Starsky’s Plan For Cleaning Out The Fridge by D. Starsky
(Found by MatSir in a stack of old police reports marked Must Be Rewritten)
1. See if you can wheedle, trick or seduce Hutch into doing it for you.
1a. No luck? On to step two.
2. Pull out everything that doesn’t make your skin crawl and set it aside.
3. Okay, you’re going back in — you can do this! — you’ve faced down mob bosses for Pete’s sake so man up! Pull a chair, trash can and that container for Hutch’s homemade fertilizer up to the scene of the crime and start sorting the remains.
3a. If you can identify it, but it’s some Twilight Zone version of itself, it goes in Blondie’s compost bin.
3b. If you can’t id it or there’s slimy goop or that gray-green-blue fur in the container, toss it in the trash can.
3b-1. Don’t let Hutch catch you tossing out “Perfectly Good Tupperware” he’ll dig it out and swear it’s still usable after a good wash, no matter what kind of smell haunts the plastic.
4. Wash the shelves and drawers.
4a. Keep the trash can nearby just in case your fingers encounter some semi-gelatinous relic behind the crisper; it’s quicker to toss your lunch right there instead of trying to make it to the john.
4b. Million dollar idea! Wax job! Like for a car, but for the refrigerator so stuff cleans off easier.
4b-1. Ignore Hutch’s reaction. His car’s parts haven’t seen a wax job since rolling off all its various showroom floors.
5. Put back the still-probably-good stuff so Hutch has something to throw away when it’s his turn to tackle this tzuris.
6. Find the red Sharpie. Write the date and ‘I did it last time!’ on the new baking soda box.
6a. Vow not to let the offer of a Hutchinson Two Hour Special con you into doing this when it’s his turn.
7. Starving! Call for a pizza.
Loved this and it so reminded me of days gone by. Thanks and keep um coming.
Thank you, Pamela. I hope I just gave you nostalgic thoughts of youth instead of nightmares!
Bahaha…this sounds like Starsky, I love it!!
Thank you, Lisa! I figured anyone that’s worked retail during the holidays could identify with this.
Hahahahaha! Too funny! Does this happen in your house? 😉
Tupperware is no longer perfect when it’s permanently stained with tomato sauce but I can picture Hutch pulling it out of the trash.
Does waxing the fridge really work? I might need to try it.
Love #6. And I don’t think Starsky can evade 6a.
You know Starsky’s gonna make sure there’s no leftover pizza this time. It’s not going in his clean refrigerator.
Is a ‘tzuris’ like a ‘mishigatz’? (sp? 😉 )
Great job, MatSir!
Thank you, CE! Yes, tzuris is Yiddish for troubles or aggravations.
TBH, I’ve never really tried to wax a fridge, I just figured that would Starsky’s next “million dollar idea!”. Maybe I should patent it? Wanna be on a late night infomercial with me?
Let me try it out first and I’ll get back to ya. Think it was Carnuaba wax? I don’t think he’d dare use Hutch’s Lemon Pledge. 😉
Too funny. Call out for pizza!
It’s kinda the answer to most kitchen related questions in my house.
3b-1. ?
So glad you enjoyed my channeling my grandmother into Hutch. I mean now we do our best not to add to the plastic island, but there are some things best left un-sniffed!
Oh man, I wish I could get Starsky to clean for me! Love his voice in this, and the sweetness of how even his instructions for cleaning the fridge are all interwoven with his love for Hutch.
Thank you, Monica. Face it, if the guys started a cleaning service where they only wore those shorts – they’d be booked up for years and I’d have the cleanest apartment in Bay City.
Oha! Thanks.
That reminds me that I desperately need to clean out my fridge. But I am like Hutch. Tupperware never gets thrown out! The dishwasher will take care of it.
I’m glad you enjoyed the story, but, Kira, you are braver than I am! There’s a grunge point where I just don’t dare crack the lid.
Loved this! Very funny and so true!
Thank you, Lapfordlass. I’m happy you enjoyed it.
Wonderful little fic — er, I mean, found report by Starsky!
Thank you, AV. I do look forward to finding more of Starsky’s (or maybe even Hutch’s) reports.
And the funny thing is that yesterday morning I cleaned out my fridge!!!
Loved this! thank you for sharing (not sure about sharing my fridge with Hutch though…)
Why, Onnakarot, are you suggesting that Hutch has – – anal tendencies? 😉
LOL. This was priceless! I could so picture Starsky doing this. Thanks!
Thank you, Kat. Once the idea came to me, it *was* easy to see Starsky doing this. Come to think of it, I bet after Vendetta, he scoured out Hutch’s fridge!
Positively wonderful! Great Starsky voice. Hoping you’ll find more old police reports and share them with us. Thanks for a couple of chuckles and a few guffaws; that’s all this old lady is admitting to.
Maria, giving you a few laughs right now makes me proud of my scribblings. Thank you for letting me brighten your day a little.
Haha, perfect! But hey, sounds like you can never satisfy some people! Is Starsky saying here that the Hutchinson Two Hour Special isn’t worth the trouble of cleaning the frigde?! Now, if he conned Hutch to think their fridge needs cleaning more often, he might a) get the Special more often and b) get away easier with the cleaning part.
Hmm… I’ll go with the HTHS is worth cleaning the fridge. It’s Starsky’s weakness and that’s how come he’s doing the chore, again, this time. Grumbling about it is just setting the stage for next time’s debate, insuring that Hutch keeps offering a trade off.
Clever and hilarious and terribly reminiscent of my own refrigerator. Well done, MatSir!
Dear Pat, as many times as your writing helps lift my spirits, I’m honored to give you a little fun in return.
omg this was hilarious, especially 4a, ROTFL!
Glad you enjoyed it, Lauren. I just loved the idea of sketchy-diner-meatloaf-eating Starsky meeting his match in his own kitchen.
This is SO amazing and SO Starsky!! It made me laugh out loud…really laugh!!
Thank you, Mat for this awesome gift!
Thank you, Nancy. I take that as a great complement.
Really cute! Thank you. (?? I’d be barfing right along with him.)
I glad you enjoyed (most of) it, Lou.
Yes, only Starsky can look cute barfing – of course all we saw was his legs and rump – but it was cute.
LOL. Love it. Cute and so Starsky.
I’m glad you enjoyed it, Wightfaerie. There’s nothing sexier than a guy doing housework, is there?
So cute, sounds exactly like Starsky, really enjoyed, thanks!!
Thank you, Ronnie. It is fun to write these and I ‘m glad other fans enjoy my/Starsky’s scribbles.
Love this! I can absolutely picture Hutch pulling the “Perfectly Good Tupperware” out of the trash lol
Thank you, Donna. It’s one of those couple things – like which way to hang the toilet paper roll and how long to keep the Reader’s Digest. You never really agree on it, you just get your way when the other person isn’t looking.
So Starsky! Charming, witty, and very cute.
Thank you!
He is fun to write when he’s being cute, isn’t he?
I strongly suspect Starsky will succumb to 6a–the resolve to face down mob bosses is impressive, but still no match for the Hutchinson Special. Two hours? Nope, not a chance 😉 Great work, Matsir!
Thank you, Baby!
Somewhere out there is Hutch’s research and notes on the ultimate 2 hour special creation, I just know it! One day I shall find it and share it!
Cute story! If I could get Starsky’s help – I’d be inspired to clean out my fridge more. Thanks!
I’m happy you enjoy it, Acmabry.
I may have discovered a lucrative sideline for the boys – Housecleaning Hunks! (Or the title of that porn producer’s next film)
Nailed it! Had me laughing all the way through to the end. Bravo!
Thank you, Amber Raine. Your creations have touched me so many times, I’m glad I could entertain you in return.