June 20th- What Happens in Vegas Can’t Always Stay in Vegas by Sam KW

Missing conversation in Class in Crime.

You know that dialogue about Rachel and Mary, who had gone fishing with Starsky and Hutch? We never got to know how their conversation about Rachel and Mary, and William and Mary, came to an end while they were walking along that corridor. This is how it ended.

H: You know… if this is an easy one, maybe we can get back to Rachel and Mary, huh?

S: Rachel and Mary? Sounds like a small college back east.

H: No, no. That’s William and Mary.

S: Rachel and Mary. William and Mary. What’s the difference?

H: They were married.

S: To who?

H: To each other. Who do you think?

S: Hm. Interesting.

H: Yeah. Just like you and me.

S: What?

H: I said, like you and me.

S: We ain’t married!

H: You don’t remember, do you?

S: Remember what?

H: That we got married, and have been married for seventeen months.

S: Seventeen mo – – you got to be kiddin’ me!

H: Why should I?

S: I don’t know! You tell me. Wouldn’t I know that we are married, IF we’d gotten married?

H: That’s what I thought, too. Apparently, you can’t remember. Obviously, it didn’t mean anything to you.

S: Now, wait a minute. How did this happen?

H: Right after I popped the question and you said yes.

S: When was that?

H: After you kissed me.

S: Wait, WHAT? I kissed you?

H: You don’t remember that, either, huh?

S: Stop messin’ around. Just tell me when.

H: When we were in Vegas. That’s WHEN!

S: Vegas? You mean when we were sent to–

H: Yes. And after we wrapped up the case, you and I had a couple of drinks.

S: And you asked me to marry you?

H: After you kissed me.

S: But you asked me?

H: Yes.

S: Why?

H: Seemed like a good idea at the time.

S: And we got married, for real?

H: As far as I know, it was real.

S: I want a divorce.

H: What? Why?

S: Because… because we can’t stay married! That’s why!

H: How so?

S: We’re two guys!

H: What’s that got to do with marriage?

S: Marriage is a union between a man and a woman. Everyone knows that!

H: But did you also know that marriage is a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law?

S: Speak in English, will ya?

H: What’s the big deal? You’ve been married to me for seventeen months now. You never complained.

S: But I didn’t even know I was married to you. So why would I complain about something I didn’t know about?

H: My point exactly. Knowing about it shouldn’t make any difference.

S: Whass’a matter with you? I ain’t gonna marry you.

H: You already did, Starsky. Besides, Dobey always tells us that we’re like an old married couple.

S: That’s because he’s insane, just like you are.

H: Well. Like it or not, partner, we are partners.

S: What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. We ain’t married anymore. Our marriage isn’t real.

H: How so?

S: Because… because we didn’t have a honeymoon. And we have not consumed the marriage. So it isn’t valid.

H: Consummated.

S: ‘T’s what I said.

H: So… if we had consumed our marriage, would you take me to be your lawfully wedded partner?

S: You’re already my partner.

H: But we haven’t completed the process… according to you.

S: What I meant was, we are partners. Not partner-partners.

H: Oh! So you don’t want me to be your partner-partner, anymore? After seventeen months–

S: Will you stop that!

H: What if I take you on a real honeymoon?

S: A honeymoon?

H: How about Paris?

S: Yeah?

H: Yeah.

S: We don’t have the money. We can’t spend our savings like that. Especially if we’re going to stay married. Oh, Gawd, what am I sayin’?

H: Let us just assume that I arranged it. Will you go with me on our honeymoon?

S: Well… if it’s our honeymoon, then I will have to go with you, right?

H: Right!

S: Hey! Wait a minute. How come I don’t have a ring?

H: We didn’t have time to get rings, Starsk. You kissed me, and all I wanted was to marry you.

S: You liked it?

H: What?

S: My kiss.

H: I really can’t remember- It was seventeen months ago. If you kiss me again, I can tell.

S: Yeah?

H: Yeah.

S: XOXOXOXO

H: XOXOXOXO

S: Holy–

H: Mother of—

S: Will you marry me, Hutch?

H: Yes, I will, Starsk.